First Impressions: Are They Friends or Foes?

First Impressions are lasting impressions. No one can argue the truth in that. A first impression can trigger a lifelong friendship, a loving relationship, or a new pastime. A first impression can also trigger anger, mistrust and self-doubt. It can also result in missed opportunities or near-misses. First impressions create friends and foes, so are they a good thing? First Impressions: Are They Friends or Foes?

I remember when I first met…

Let’s reflect for a few moments. What first impressions were spot-on? Which were not? Not all first impressions reflect accurately on a person’s true nature, or the reality of a situation. In fact, first impressions are tricky and complicated, and yes, they are lasting, whether they are good or bad, accurate or not.

We may wonder what went right, or what went wrong. As relationships gain traction or peter out, we may be left scratching our heads about the first impression that in retrospect seems so alien to the person or situation we’ve gotten to know. We may wonder, is it us, or is it them?

How often have you felt misled by a first impression? How many times have you wondered how you could have so badly misjudged? If you are like me, then your answers go something like “TONS” and “more times than I care to admit.”

Friend or Foe?

When we think of first impressions, we most often think about the mark other people leave on us at first sight. So my example of faulty first impressions involves two people we soon after we moved to New Zealand two years ago. One I liked right away, this person seemed friendly enough and similarly full of curious energy about living in a new country. The other gave a cursory “hello,” plunked down in a chair, and didn’t move for the rest of the evening.

You can imagine what I took away from those first meetings.

Time passed, and then this happened:

• The person who seemed like friend-material turned snarky.
• The person who wouldn’t give me the time of day for months suddenly made eye contact and engaged in conversation…not once, but several times.

So, I’m now I’m totally confused, totally insecure about my ability to judge character, and totally fed up with the whiplash.

So I thought it through…

First impressions may be lasting, but they are hardly the beginning, middle, and end of the story. Not everyone makes a good first impression (the scary ones are those who never make a bad impression). Not everyone presents themselves as they really are. And we all have good days and we all have bad.

I’d like to say that first impressions are all on those making them and not the responsibility of those of us interpreting them.

I’d love to place blame squarely on those who don masks, leaping best foot forward to draw us in only to deflate like a leaky balloon when the charade becomes too exhausting.

It would be my pleasure to write off a grumpy gus that snarls at an extended hand (we can do that now, right? The worst of COVID is hopefully behind us.)

I’d also love to believe that every genuine-appearing smile means the beginning of a great relationship and that every moody black cloud that threatens hard rain means I should forever and always steer clear. End of story. Nothing more to interpret, no more surprises.

But life is more complicated than that. Way more complicated.

And “life” means all of us and everything in it

The onus is on the eye of the beholder. We need to give second chances. Or even thirds. It takes time to really get to know a situation, and even more time to get to know people. Patience is important, which is difficult in these times of instant gratification, but paramount to finding authentic, meaningful connections.

We may be surprised at what we find beneath that first, resting-bitch-face impression, because not everyone is comfortable in their own skin, and not everyone can dig their way out of a bad day. Maybe it’s something else. We may never know. It’s like a meme I saw recently:

What we know about someone is but a mere dot within the circle of wholeness.

This is taking a chance, for sure, because that warm, friendly exterior may not extend to tomorrow, because, again

What we know about someone is but a mere dot within the circle of wholeness.

First impressions: Are They Friends or Foes?

Can we really answer that question? Does it matter, because first impressions just…are. We receive them and interpret them based on who we are, what we value, and our long histories of experience. The best we can do is be kind, have an open mind, and don’t judge too quickly. Trust but verify. We owe it to ourselves to give any potential relationship the time it deserves. We may be disappointed, or we may be rewarded. But whatever we learn will be valuable.

***What is Vegemite? Learn more here.