Jim Gaffigan: Hot Pockets. Cookie Monster: Cookies. Our Family: Nutella.

Let’s change the subject. COVID-19 is still very much a part of our lives, but there comes a time when some lighter fare is just what we need, something a bit more digestible.

So let’s talk food obsessions. We’re cooking at home and baking now more than ever, so food is a distraction and even the main attraction during our time stuck at home. Comfort foods rule. So does humor. And comfort-food humor is good for the soul. It brings us together, like cookies and hot pockets.

Nutella is the great uniter of sorts in our household. It sparks a gentle ribbing from the haters. There is silly debate about the size of a serving. And amongst the army of canned chili and green beans standing proud in our emergency food stash is General Nutella. Nutella also has a playful side: its characteristic gooeyness finds its way into the strangest of places. On my leg. In my daughter’s hair. Once, on the dog.

I was first introduced to Nutella in college by a friend who lived in Germany as a child. Nutella, as she described it, was “like their peanut butter.” She shared some with me and I fell into creamy cocoa-and-hazelnut love. Nutella wasn’t easy to find back then in the Midwest so it was a once-in-a-while decadent treat. But several years later it became standard inventory in grocery stores everywhere. A sure sign that Nutella had made it in the United States was when Costco offered jars as big as your head in a two-pack. A tractor beam with the power of two fully-operational Death Stars found even those with the most will-power helplessly flailing toward Spoonful Heaven. Or should I say Spoonfuls Heaven? Better than potato chips, no one can eat just one heaping tablespoon of this creamy goodness.

Just ask my kids. Well, ask two of them. One of my boys, like his dad, haaates Nutella. Dad thinks it tastes like plastic. I know, right??? (Which begs the question about how much plastic he’s sampled…) I’ve assured him more times than I can count that not only does Nutella not contain indigestibles, but that each and every ingredient on the label can be pronounced by the average 2nd grader. All real stuff in Nutella (No artificial colors! No artificial preservatives!). So if my other son and daughter want Nutella, I let them have it. However, their idea of “single serving” is vastly different than my own. Mine is around the three-tablespoon size. Theirs? More in the one-kilo realm, which is the largest jar our grocery store sells. And sounds a bit Walter White, if you ask me. If left to their own devices, they would eat that much in a day. Wait, I take that back. That’s how much would leave the jar. Because take a look at this:

For hopelessly devoted lovers of Nutella, how can this be? I’m tempted to take those butter knives right out of the damp sink and lick them clean, a-la Rachel Green and the cheesecake that went plop on the apartment landing floor. I mean, really??? There’s at least a serving (by Nutella’s recommendation, that’s a single tablespoon) smeared around my daughter’s face after Nutella-on-toast. She looks like a baby monkey. Too cute for me to pull the classic Mom move of swiping a spit-moistened thumb across the gooey mess. Although it is tempting. It is, after all, Nutella.

And what about those adorable little single-serving pods that are too-rarely discovered at hotel breakfast buffets? I mean, if you want to elevate your fine establishment to claaaa-ssy, you gotta have Nutella. Of course, it’s entirely possible that more hotels are just that but we’d never know it. Because I know if I found a bowl heaped with Nutella pods, I’d dump every last one into my purse. And I doubt I’m the only one who would do that. I remember a kid at a hotel in Albuquerque who found a stray pod stuck in with the jelly and it was the last one seen anywhere. I was about ready to jump the little stinker and rip it out of his hot little hand. Or at least beg him to share it with me.

My son, a Nutella afficionado, has asked for a Nutella cake. Brilliant! I’m just not sure how to go about making one. Any recipes out there? We “Nutella Neighbors” need to stick together. Feel free to share your favorite Nutella-based recipes in the comment section below. (Even if it’s Nutella-by-the-spoonful!)

After pure, unadulterated Nutella, here is our second-favorite Nutella-based recipe, taken from The High-Protein Vegetarian Cookbook by Katie Parker and Kristen Smith, Ph.D, R.D., L.D.:

Almond Butter Banana Flax Muffins with Nutella

1 1/4 cups whole-wheat pastry flour

1/4 cup ground flaxseed

3/4 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

3 medium-sized overripe bananas, mashed (about 1 cup)

1/2 cup natural creamy almond butter with sea salt

1/2 cup packed dark brown sugar

1 large egg

1 1/2 teaspoons almond extract (I use 1/2 a teaspoon as almond extract is pretty potent.)

1/2 cup 2% plain Greek yogurt

12 teaspoons chocolate-hazelnut spread (like Nutella!)

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Whisk together the flour, flaxseed, baking powder and salt. Set aside.
3. Mix together the bananas and almond butter. Add the sugar and beat until smooth. Mix in the egg and almond extract.
4. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients. Add the Greek yogurt and stir until fully incorporated, being careful not to overmix.
5. Line a muffin tin with liners and coat them with nonstick spray. Scoop a heaping tablespoon of batter into each liner. Drop in 1 teaspoon chocolate-hazelnut spread. Top with another heaping tablespoon of batter.
6. Bake for 20 to 22 minutes, until lightly golden on top, and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Nutritional info per one muffin: Calories: 234. Calories from fat: 87. Fat: 9.7g. Saturated fat 1.8g. Protein: 6.1g. Carbohydrate: 32.5g. Dietary fiber 4.4g. Cholesterol 16mg. Sodium 111mg.