Too Many Thoughts and Too Few Words: the Super Bowl Halftime Show

You may have liked all of it. Or part of it. You may have been appalled. No matter our individual reactions, last Sunday’s Super bowl halftime show proved, yet again:

Any publicity is good publicity. We can’t stop talking about the mid-game performance during Super Bowl LIV. The dialogue, both positive and critical, is everywhere. All I had to do was type “super” into Google and the first suggestion to come up was “Super Bowl Halftime.”

Our family didn’t watch the show, as we were immersed in Hunger Games: Catching Fire. I viewed Shakira and J.Lo’s performance a couple days later on YouTube. I wanted to see for myself what everyone was twittering and facebooking about, because I honestly wondered if what I was hearing about inappropriate prime-time content was true: excessive gyrating above and below the waist, J.Lo touching herself, and kids in cages.

Well, it was.

I’m not going to expound on my own opinion of the show. I don’t think it would be helpful. Just ask my husband, the target of my thoughts put easily into words. But I felt short on the best, right words to use with my kids. I had no idea how to navigate the content of this show with my kids without fumbling through the hypocrisy of it all.

Because you bet Shakira’s booty my kids have seen the show’s highlights on social media…news travels fast and easy on the virtual highway. I ruminated: how do I explain a sexually-charged and (very) public display that is the opposite of our family’s values regarding the worth of women (and men)? Even more difficult would be how to explain this oft-lauded performance in light of our family’s very real and frequent talks about the negative effects of sexting and how to responsibly use social media?

In short:

So how do we talk to our kids about what was portrayed during “Super Halftime”?

You may be wondering the exact same thing.

Being in our heads really sucks sometimes. If you are among those of us who have an inner dialogue, you get it. Sometimes it’s torture, and sometimes something productive comes from all that oxymoronic “silent noise.” I really hope it’s the latter, because I’m going to share it. I’ll let you be the judge.

Before we sit the kiddos down we need to be straight with ourselves. Regardless of whether we adults approved and enjoyed, or were shocked and shaken by the halftime show, we need to be certain of the values we hold regarding sexuality, male/female roles and stereotypes, and the rules we set for our kids’ social media presence. But we need to be realistic, too. Performances like these are not going away anytime soon because they are lucrative and the press and attention received is valuable to the promotion of the artists. That’s reality. And there may be aspects of the show we enjoyed (Shakira looked like she was having the time of her life, and I loved watching her multifaceted musical talent.) even though there were instances I felt crossed. Mixed feelings—that’s reality, too. So here’s the tough part: reconciling reality with our personal values. This challenge can find ourselves feeling short on the right words to use when we talk with our children.

After considering values and reality, we should ask ourselves some close-to-home questions, such as:

1. Do we want our daughters to emulate what happened on the halftime stage?
2. And just as importantly, do we want our sons to expect the same from girls and women?
3. And does this behavior empower or degrade? And why?

And after listening to ourselves, we need to listen to our kids. Some possible questions to ask them:

What did you think of Shakira and J.Lo.’s performance? Why?

How would you describe their performance?

How did the performance make you feel?

Do you think the show was appropriate for tv? Why or why not?

If a classmate posted a dance similar to this on social media, would that be ok?

Is it ok to dance, dress, or act like these performers? Why or why not?

Get the kids’ perspective, then share yours. Talk about how what we share publicly (and remind kids that yes, even “private” social media postings are up for grab by anyone) frames the impression others have of us. Talk about how once content is “out there” it stays out there and can impact your future, even years down the road.

Here’s where it gets tough. Where we adults get to fumble through the that meshing of reality and values with our kids. Where we may feel confused and the kids definitely do: how to explain the importance of responsible social media use when notable personalities (many of them grown adults and parents themselves) get a dream-come-true jackpot of attention for, well, doing exactly what we’ve advised our kids not to? Go full-frontal honest. Agree and empathize this is confusing and hard to understand. Just last week our school district banned cell phone use at our local middle schools because of a sexting scandal. And just a few days later, millions of viewers took in prime-time broadcast of actions that, if filmed and sent by kids working their Snapchat streaks, would be punishable under the law and otherwise. An event that garnered the attention that kids obsess over in their social media feeds. This is tough for all of us to navigate when we are trying to raise good humans.

Because different rules shouldn’t apply to adults. But they do. Some adults don’t abide by any rules at all. And these are circumstances that kids can’t understand, no matter how old they are. Circumstances we adults can’t always understand. So it comes down to helping our kids figure out the kind of people they want to be, based on the values we help them learn. And living those values ourselves. And teaching the understanding that we can only be responsible for our own decisions and actions, not for the decisions and actions of others, whether we approve or not. That’s reality.