Forgo “Quality Time” in Favor of the Little Moments

Big things come in small packages.

It’s the little things that matter most.

We’ve all heard these words of wisdom, in one form or another. We’ve even believed and embraced the ideas behind them. I know I have. Yet admittedly, I still dream of a Pioneer Woman Thanksgiving, the perfect Rockwellian Christmas, and the family vacation worthy of an Instagram story. Perhaps you do, too. And that the best time, “Quality Time” occurs while engaging in the perfectly orchestrated family event, that we bond best in swirls of watercolor, shades of supersaturation and while tucking in to a perfectly-glazed 20-pound turkey.

Author and media strategist Ryan Holiday asks in a recent article for us to rethink the idea of “Quality Time” and find the best moments in the quieter, less flashy interactions we have with our loved ones. For parents of teens, this is a timely essay when reaching our kids in any kind of meaningful way seems a task for a seasoned miracle worker.

After I read Holiday’s brief post, I decided that when my teens groan about having a ski day or going to a stage show or just leaving the house, period, with their dad and I, I won’t consider it a bonding bust. Instead, I plan to go into the new decade finding and cherishing little nuggets of connection with my family and not stress about carving out high-pressure and high-expectation “Quality Time.” Because, as I reflect back on special moments with my kids, where have many of these priceless gems occurred?

While riding in our minivan. (Even Holiday’s article makes reference to car rides as some of the best ways to connect.). For example:

~From his booster seat in the third row, my then-toddler son asked me what happens when we die.

~I almost peed myself laughing on a Mad-Lib-fueled ride across the California desert.

~My daughter and I brainstormed how some squirrely 6th grade boys manage to turn into the Chris Hemsworths and Aaron Rodgerses of the world.

~My other son revealed he was “in a relationship” and in another unrelated van ride that he gives a friend in need bus fare he needs to get home after school.

We’re not sitting on a sun-soaked beach, or in front of a carefully adorned Christmas tree. We’re sitting in my 13-year-old van, in traffic, heading somewhere totally un-exciting. But these little moments I will cherish for as long as I have memory of them.

Read Ryan Holiday’s article here. It will change your thinking on the pressures of “Quality Time” in favor of the quieter, much more attainable moments.