“I Knew Something was Wrong But He Wouldn’t Tell Me”: a Mother’s Story

It was the most powerful moment of the evening. The reality. The pain. The raw, honest emotion only a mother can feel when her son has been traumatized.

My husband and I were attending a Durango Diaries event, and the floor was open to the audience after a panel of three told their personal experiences with bullying. The microphone passed to the mother of the young man who told his story of repeated public persecution at the hands of his once-friends, and how he turned the trauma into community outreach.

She said she knew something was going on with her son. She asked him What’s wrong? And asked him many times. But he wouldn’t tell her. But she knew. She just knew.

Then it occurred to her. She needed to engage her son in a different way. Still everyday, but on a more personal level. Her questions changed:

What was something in your day that made you happy?

What today made you laugh?

She plugged in to her son’s world with simple caring, motherly connection. She engaged him on a deeper, less topical, level, asking about him in a way only those who truly care can.

After this passionate mother told her story, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

I didn’t draw a number from “150 Ways to Show Kids You Care” in order to tell this story, I didn’t have to.

How can we show kids we care?

Stop. Look at them. Ask a truly thoughtful question about their day, their lives. Then listen.

You may hear more than they tell you.

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