We Will All Be OK: a Teenage Boy Going Through Puberty
He still loves a good snuggle. But don’t tell him I said so.
He’s moody. He’s all arms and legs. His voice cracks uncontrollably.
He eats like there’s no tomorrow. And then tomorrow, he eats the same way.
He doesn’t understand why he is sad.
He alternately hates you and and needs to snuggle with you.
Sound familiar?
A pubertal boy drowns in a cesspool of changing emotions, feels self-conscious about his raging acne, and takes naps like he did when he was an infant. (Not to mention he is nervous and confused about the changes in his body.) And that’s the tip of the iceberg.
The process is hard for him, it’s hard to watch, and it’s hard to help support him. He’s mouthy, evasive and lashes out frequently at the new public enemy number one: his father. So everyone takes a few steps back and gives him space, except his siblings. And this, of course, gets ugly.
As parents we wonder where that sweet little boy has gone. We wonder what’s on the other side of this fire swamp of an ordeal we call puberty.
Maybe you’ve caught glimpses of the man he is to become. Glimpses so brief, a blink of an eye will mask them. Those moments are there and if you haven’t seen them yet, you will. And it’s a tremendous relief. He won’t stay the jerk he is today. I’m reassured when he and I have a rational conversation about, well, anything that’s not mobile phones. I’m proud to see him stand up for the preschool-age daughter of our family’s friends, and heart-warmed to see him tease her by poking her tummy. And this absolutely floored me:
Our son, a budding shutterbug with an affinity for taking photos of cars, took this shot. I’m surprised he noticed the sidewalk art in the first place, much less thought it would be worth preserving. His heart is soft, and every once in a while comes up for air in that emotional cesspool, surfacing to show us that tenderness and love will survive this mess of a process in becoming a man. For that, we as parents are relieved and proud.
I used to think our son would emerge from the throes of puberty overnight; that he’d suddenly become this cool, respectful dude. I realize now that’s ridiculous, and the process is much more gradual than that. In fact, I love the little peeks of who he is going to become and even more that he doesn’t mind sharing them. Like the photo above. And that he played the hopscotch grid further along the same sidewalk.
That he still lays his head on my lap while we watch a movie (but don’t tell him I told you that, I have a hunch it would embarrass him if anyone but me and his dad knew…).
Be sure that sweet boy of yours knows you love him. Tell him to hang in there, and tell yourself the same. Puberty won’t last forever. And just like those pimples on his face, they will heal and so will he and you.
