Step 5 to Live an Extraordinary Life: Slow Down

“Mom.”

“Mom…Mom.”

MOM, MOOOOOMMMM!!!”

I know, right?  We’ve all been there.  (Not to exclude the guys, so please feel free to substitute “Dad!!!”.)

Maybe we’re on the phone, or the toilet, or on a mission to get the bills paid while making supper.  Inevitably (even at age 13), kids need us at the times we are most indisposed.  They are checking in, making sure we can disengage from other aspects of daily living in case they want us.

Younger kids “check in” by testing boundaries, shocking us parents to attention.  My twins used to climb up on the dining table when I was on the phone.  If gleeful is in a toddler’s emotional repertoire, this was one of those moments; the look on my son’s face said it all:  wait for it…she’s gonna be MAD!  All three of my kids could scramble up the mountain of toilet paper at Costco in the brief moment I turned for that free sample of whatever.  Psychology tells us these antics are part of the centric nature of children but without realizing it, our children also teach us an important lesson by acting out:

Yes, phone calls happen.  And unless my family wants a really crabby Mommy, the ice cream needs put away before it melts all over the counter.  And nature always calls.  But multitasking never comes naturally…it’s the desire to do so that does.  We think we can have several balls in the air at once to make time for later.  But in reality we just find more time to practice our juggling.  And kids frequently tell us we can’t multitask, or at least can’t do it well.  That’s why my son was able to take a wee off a jungle gym;  I was engaged in conversation with a friend at the time (what he didn’t count on was the watchful eye of another parent).  Not that I shouldn’t enjoy my friend’s company, I just should have excused myself for a moment to check in with my boys.

So instead of giving one ear to the five-minute news briefing on Alexa and the other to our son’s idea for a Youtube channel, I’m learning to slow down and put the pause on NPR and give total attention to my boy.  I stop chopping the veggies for dinner (Attempting the triple-task is insane, and dangerous when it involves cutlery.) and engage fully with what my son has to say.  The news can wait.  So can the bell peppers.  My son is excited right now and needs to share.  He needs me to slow down and be his totally-present sounding board.  Doing anything more just frustrates me, makes me snap at him, and he walks away thinking I don’t care about him.

I shoulda known: our sweet Nikita did her best to grab my attention when I was studying.

I go to yoga every Monday morning.  A couple weeks ago, the instructor sent us away with the advice to “approach your week with ease.”  Relax.  Slow down.  Enjoy the purpose with which we move through our routine.  And you know what?  I tried it and felt so much more present and purposeful with my days.  I didn’t worry about “getting it all done.”  I simply “did.”  My relationships were more meaningful.  My days were more productive. When I wasn’t juggling and moving around like a total nut, life was less stressful and more enjoyable.

And my workout performance improved.  Training for a half-marathon, I feel the need to push myself to increase my distance and speed quickly.  But my body wasn’t responding…in fact, I was regressing.  Once I gave myself permission to slow down both mentally and physically (I eliminated one run a week in favor of a bike ride), my tolerance for distance increased.

I’m stressing less about my new business.  Things aren’t growing and booming quickly, as I envisioned they would.  It’s an important lesson in taking a step back and letting things grow organically.  So I’m slowing down and laying a foundation brick by brick, giving myself permission to be patient.

My relationship with my kids is stronger.  Yes, I could stand at Multitask Mission Control (aka kitchen sink) and do the supper dishes.  Or I could take a walk with my boys and the dog and enjoy the reconnection.  I chose the latter.  It’s been way too long since I’ve slowed down and taken this quiet time with my kids.  As we walked and talked, I noticed the twins were more civil to each other than normal.  My homebody son was bursting with energy as he told me about his Youtube ideas.  I felt totally engaged.  We slowed down.  We focused on the time together.

Life is busy.  We have many responsibilities and can’t engage our kids at every moment.  But let’s admit it:  some of our “busy” is fabricated.  It’s not real and it doesn’t serve us.  No one dies if the dirty dishes sit or we wait an hour to return that phone call.  In fact, if we do, we will find we are on the path toward living an extraordinary life.

Reap the benefits of ease.

(Because #6 slow down fit better with the month of May, I switched it with the actual number five from the list, which will now be June’s challenge.)