How to Talk Body Weight With Your Child Without Talking Body Weight
What better time than spring to get moving together as a family?
That’s WAY more than you need, put half of it back in the serving bowl.
You just ate, you can’t need a snack yet.
Your brother can have two hamburgers…he is growing faster than you are right now.
Ugh. These phrases are my dance around the weight issue. Trying not to mention that my child weighs too much, and the fear of fueling a body image problem or an eating disorder, this dialogue is the best I’ve come up with. Reading my rationale on my computer screen, I see how woefully inadequate and controlling I sound. Not overtly bad, but certainly not good, either.
I realized I need help in crafting my words, so again, fueled by a recent article in a published by our regional medical center, I turned to Google and here’s what I found:
What not to say:
~Don’t use the “W” word (or “obese”)…and don’t even discuss it as such. Theatlantic.com reported on a data study in JAMA Pediatrics, “Parent Conversations About Healthful Eating and Weight” which included 6500 surveys of healthy-weight and overweight/obese kids (average age of 14) on their home environment and how it influenced eating habits. Researchers found that a disturbing 64% of overweight children were on a diet or had symptoms of disordered eating when their mothers talked to them specifically about their abnormal weight. (This compares to 35% of kids of normal weight whose parents had a “weight talk” with them.)
~Don’t go the “After School Special” route. This means not using cliche statements like You’re beautiful just the way you are! While true, these words sound disingenuous and kids are savvy enough to realize when adults are skirting a tough conversation. Furthermore, these statements avoid addressing the issue at hand: a child’s health and need to establish healthy eating and activity habits.
~Don’t emphasize appearance or judge someone by their outward looks…yourself included.
What’s OK to say:
~Do emphasize the positive. Praise a child for being thoughtful, a good friend, or note how much their piano skills have improved with practice. Be sincere and stay in context.
~Do talk about what “good health” means. (The JAMA Pediatrics study found that discussing healthy eating with kids may be linked to fewer eating disorders.) Ask your child what a healthy substitution for an unhealthy one would be. Instead of these potato chips, what healthy food can we pack in your lunch? If questions like these are a stumper, help make suggestions and say something like Apple chips are a great snack to help keep your body working well. Definitely praise all healthy meal/snack choices your child makes.
~Parents can ask at a family meeting or at the dinner table How could our family be healthier? Include all members of the family…siblings and grandparents, etc….so the effort doesn’t just focus on the child carrying extra weight. Involve the entire family in improving diet habits and planning to get more exercise.
If a more direct discussion about a child’s weight needs to happen, here’s some advice:
~Use a term like “extra weight” or another description a child is comfortable using. (Ask what that term should be.)
~Frame “extra weight” as a health concern, not a concern about physical appearance.
~Do ask How do you feel about your weight? This question helps a child open up about any bullying he may be experiencing, or whether a child perceives her weight as a problem or not.
~Plan a check up with your child’s health care provider. Request that the discussion focus on healthy eating and exercise, not weight…at least for the first visit.
And, lastly:
~Be patient. With yourself, first and foremost. Allow any discussion and change in diet habits and exercise to unfold over time. For example, chose to eliminate juice first instead of throwing out all the sugary drinks/foods at once. Walk the dog around the block twice instead of just once. Take baby steps. And never hesitate to ask for support…your child’s pediatrician or a pediatric nutritionist are great resources.
Sources/links for this post:
author not indicated. (2018) Obesity & Kids: a Weighty Subject, Indeed. health + care, a publication from Mercy Regional Medical Center (Winter 2018), pages 10-11.
www.webmd.com/parenting/raising-fit-kids/mood/features/talking-kids-about-weight#1
