The Principal Always Rings Twice
What do parents and doctors have in common? Call. Which means we must have some sort of electronic gadget within easy reach (surgical attachment, anyone?) so the school or the sitter (or the hospital) can get ahold of us at a moment’s notice. The only difference is parents must take this responsibility round the clock, not every third weekend or weekday (which, don’t get me wrong, is plenty tough). But like doctors, we parents can have a degree of superstition about how to ward off bad news delivered by phone. For me, my mobile is always in my pocket or purse…even when I meet my kids at the bus stop after school. Because inevitably, if I leave it on the kitchen counter, the school calls. Without fail.
But doggone it, the school has found a loophole in my strategy: call while I am brushing my teeth in public.
Of all the stupid things.
To clarify, I was on my way to an afternoon dental appointment. I fit in a workout at the gym beforehand and was in the locker room enjoying a mouthful of minty freshness when my phone broke into song. If I were in the privacy of my own bathroom I could fumble about to answer, making a huge toothpast-y mess. But I was in our busy local gym. So I let my phone perform until it rang again almost immediately. I scrambled and saw the school was calling. Again. This was urgent.
I answered and the assistant principal pleasantly informed me my twin boys had been trash-talking each other at lunchtime and that this had been going on all week. Until things came to a head that particular day. To make a long story short, sides were taken and a comrade to one of my sons pushed my other boy to the ground. The “perpetrator” and my son he sided with were punished with lunchtime detention for the rest of the week.
Oh, brother. Literally.
Walking away from a bad situation has never been my older son’s forte. Neither has listening to his parents’ advice that he do so when someone is giving him a hard time. The vice-principal and I commiserated on this point, I condoned his choice of punishment and we ended our call. But now what? I could confront both boys with the wait until your father gets home tack as soon as they got off the bus. Or I could consider this the end of the ordeal. The school handled the problem by doling out an appropriate punishment. Case closed.
Which is the way to go? As parents, we are our kids’ moral compass. But in our absence, the adult in charge must substitute. The “It takes a village” method at work. And our children learn that Dad and Mom are not the only adults to help guide and direct them to becoming thoughtful, considerate grownups. So my husband and I decided to consider this problem solved unless the boys brought up what happened. We didn’t want the kids to think they were in trouble all over again (which they weren’t) when closure had already been made. If they wanted to talk to us about it, we would listen to them. Separately. And once the emotional aspect had lost its edge. My fear was they would come off the bus swinging and yelling at each other, with my having to pull them apart. Definitely not the time to sort the problem out.
But my how are you? after school that day was met with a consensus of good. And we went about our after school routine of snack, homework and music practice. It wasn’t until the boys were playing MInecraft in the living room, when they thought I was out of earshot, that they started to argue about what happened at school. And even then, they hushed one another with a pressing ssshhHH!!! just in case I stepped into the room.
A week has gone by and neither of our sons has come to us about the incident. And I haven’t mentioned the call from the principal’s office. Instead, my husband and I found other opportunities to remind our kids how to handle being teased, or worse. Hopefully, after being caught and called on the carpet by another adult, our boys will connect with our parental advice so the next time sibling rivalry rears its head in the cafeteria line someone will remember to walk away.
Being on call is one of those challenges reserved for those with a high-level of responsibility. Doctors, for one. And yes, parents. It’s never a fun prospect, especially as when a pager or phone rings, it is never good news. We have to be at the ready to quickly and carefully handle what’s on the other end. Sometimes that means a full-hands on approach but sometimes the harder decision is when to allow another’s authority and ability do the work.
Holding hands, by proxy (that’s their sister between them). But, hey, it’s something.
