For the Remaining 88 Percent

In my last post “Twelve Percent of You Really Need to Read This Post” (September 25, 2014), I wrote briefly about what to say when someone confides they are struggling with infertility.  As I thought more about it and received some feedback, I’d like to expand on what I said.

We humans want to fix problems.  We become uncomfortable with the unfamiliar.  That’s just the way we are.  And when a loved one comes to us revealing a painful ordeal, we want to help and make things better.  But some things we cannot change or influence and infertility is one of those situations.  Even if we have been there ourselves.  So a conversation can be very hard to have.  And in the fight-or-flight response of helplessness,  it can be so easy to make a verbal misstep.

But remember, we are only human.

So let’s give ourselves a break.  Not try so hard.  If your sister, a cousin or a friend comes to you and needs to talk about their struggles to conceive, just be honest.  It’s okay if your response is I’m not sure what to say.  But I am sorry.  Think of it this way.  If someone has the courage and the honesty to come to you with such a personal frustration as infertility, they are giving you permission to also be honest.  Just listen.  Be upfront.  Be supportive.

That’s all you have to do .