How to Feed a Vegetarian from Iowa: A Tale of Culinary Conviction
My kids love to make up jokes. Here’s the latest:
Which state has the smallest sodas?
Minnesota!!!!
In fact, they have inspired me to try my hand at penning riddles. So I have one for you:
How do you feed a vegetarian from Iowa?
You can’t. Vegetarians don’t exist in Iowa.
Admittedly not a zinger. But I am from Iowa. And if there is ever a meat-loving place on earth, it is the Corn State. (I know. That nickname doesn’t make much sense. It should be the Ribeye State or the One-Inch-Thick-Pork-Chop-the-Size-of-Your-Head State.) And years back when Paul McCartney performed in Ames, Iowa, he vocalized his anti-meat sentiments before taking the stage; even a booth selling tofu-based hot dogs was set up in the concessions area. Well, his bold comments on the rich, black turf of Iowa made headlines and caused quite a stir. One could argue that tofu still supports another of the state’s agricultural crops, soybeans, but that’s not the point. The point is:
Meat.
I myself have gone mostly vegetarian. But not while home in Iowa. One could say my vegetarianism is “conditional.” If I went home and announced I was shunning meat (albeit not completely), it would be a senario much like that in the flick My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Remember when Tula revealed that her fiancé Ian was vegetarian?
(video clip from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, courtesy of YouTube.com, posted by Lawrence Bader on February 6, 2013)
Well, I would get a response similar to his:
“What do you MEAN you don’t eat MEAT??? (thoughtful pause) All right, I’ll fix you pork….”
However, when it comes to my older son, our Iowan relatives…well, they pretty much respond the same way.
Never mind.
Now, my wonderful relatives, please know I love you. But I have to tease you a bit because as Iowa is from whence I came I COMPLETELY GET the need for meat, and that it is culturally acceptable that when there are fields of cattle and hogs everywhere a few (or more) are going to end up on a butcher block. So the point I’m slowly trying to make is, my family (and I) are working within what we know to be supportive of my son’s apparent decision to be vegetarian. I say “apparent” because:
1) He doesn’t care for other sources of lean protein with the exception of peanut butter, milk and the occasional egg.
2) And after discovering his distaste for tofu and falafel, I asked him what he would like for meals. His response? Spaghetti and meatballs, pancakes and bacon and hot dogs.
Apparently “conditional vegetarianism” is genetic.
But his version isn’t the same as mine: I succumb to peer pressure and revert back to my carnivorous upbringing (and get serious hankerings for a good burger) and my son has a vivid imagination. Any meat resembling an animal is off the table. So no steak or salmon and especially not roast chicken. I may be able to sneak in those itty bitty scallops every so often, the ones his twin brother identifies as hot dogs, but otherwise? No unprocessed cuts of animal, thank you very much.
Culinary challenge accepted.
Oh, and did I mention his brother is the meat-eating record holder in our family? To date: seven beef tacos in one meal, three hamburgers in another. And he prefers fish sticks and chicken sandwiches for breakfast over cereal and toast. It took me a loooong time to give in to his desire to have supper at 6:30 am. But I have and it works. Then add to that his vegetarian counterpart figured out the origin of hamburger and it is off his menu as well.
Culinary challenge still accepted.
But do I have a choice? Not really. My job as Primary Household Chef is to provide balanced, healthy meals and avoid a demotion to Short-Order Cook. The latter is tough to get around with two very different palates in the household. Plus the issue goes beyond “likes and dislikes” when it comes to a boy who just can’t stomach eating “cow” or “pig,” which is what he calls the beef or pork that occasionally graces our dinner table. He can’t separate the animal from its meat, whereas the rest of us can do the reverse and enjoy hamburgers and pork chops. That’s about as close a nine-year-old boy can be to having an ideology. Paul would be proud.
And I need to honor his point-of-view. So my pantry is stocked with pistachios, chocolate/hazelnut spread, organic quinoa, pepperoni slices and bacon-flavored popcorn. Two opposing food worlds have collided in a space the size of a broom closet and antimatter has not formed. A good sign that, just perhaps, my family’s divergent dietary preferences can co-mingle. With some trial and error paired with a conviction to not prepare two separate meals (which is time-consuming, indulgent and keeps the kids from trying new foods…not to mention expensive), my husband and I have found some culinary combos that keep our food worlds friendly. While still a work in progress, here’s what has hit the mark so far:
1) “Build-Your-Own____” Night. Sometimes we create mini pizzas, other times we build salads or quesadillas. The key has been making sure there are a variety of protein sources offered, both animal- and plant-based. No one feels slighted if the main course is exclusively meaty or exclusively meatless and the kids have fun being included in the kitchen.
2) Protein-packed sides. As I mentioned before, those “meaty mains” do happen in our house. And when they do, I serve a salad with beans, nuts or quinoa. If cheese makes the meal better (and when does it not?), I place a small bowl of it on the table to pass around.
3) Sometimes a small concession is easily made. Telling our son to “just pick the meat out” goes over very badly. Naturally, he feels we aren’t listening to his anti-meat sentiments when we say that. Our solution? An efficient compromise. For example: we eat a lot of hearty soups and my husband makes many delicious varieties. If a recipe calls for meat, he cooks it first and adds it to the stockpot at the simmering stage but reserves a meatless version for whoever wants it. Even better, we have found that the latter sits well with even the most carnivorous characters in our family and often just stick with that.
4) Never stop trying. I still present my son with new forms of vegetarian protein. For instance, he recently discovered a love for pistachios, and although he loves the shelling of these nuts even more than munching on them, he’s getting some good protein in his diet. Sometimes he’ll eat a hard-boiled egg but not too often. However, he will eat deviled eggs. I just make them with low fat mayo.
But I will be honest and say the peanut butter comes off the shelf when I make a meal in a pinch, forgetting to fully balance the meat vs. meatless scale. My family are cultured meat-eaters and even a conditional vegetarian from Iowa forgets her convictions at times. So here’s a new riddle:
How do you feed a vegetarian in a household of meat eaters?
The same way you feed the meat eaters: with love and respect. But with extra beans and cheese on top.
In case you are curious, here is a link to a news article discussing Paul McCartney’s position on meat before his 1990 concert in Ames, Iowa:
And Bon Appetit, whatever you eat!
