The Most Dangerous Thing on the Road
Everyone agrees that cell phone use for chatting, texting or playlist-searching while operating a motor vehicle is a bad idea. We don’t always take “the high road” in this respect but we all know it is dangerous to not give undivided attention to keeping our cars, vans and SUVs safely on the road. But what about that other distraction? I don’t mean lunch or the annoying rattle coming from the glove box (although tending to either is a bad idea as well). I mean children. Wow. I am amazed I haven’t gone off the road with the distraction of my kids shouting, fighting, throwing trash or singing their original “Zombie Exterminators” like Phoebe Bouffay. Sure, I have used threats: the tried-and-(un)true “Be quiet or I’ll stop the van!!!!” And more times than I can count I have brought the van to a halt without warning, turned off the engine, and folded my arms, refusing to even touch the controls until total silence has occurred. That tactic works…some of the time. It’s almost comical. The silence is deafening and we can actually hear the gas sloshing in the tank when I pull over. Then the whispers: “What’s going on??? She’s mad!!!! Be QUIET you guys or we’ll have to WALK HOME!!!” But when my kids’ momentum and volume is at a fever pitch they don’t even realize the van is parked on the shoulder. Scary. And that very example shows how hoopla in the van can be a major distraction, even for the kids. It’s exactly why kids go berserk. If they have no distractions they have to create their own.
We can’t ban children from riding in motor vehicles, just as we can’t ban cell phones from riding shotgun. But, as with cell phones, we can try to “turn the kids off,” metaphorically so. Try being the operative word. Believe me, I try:
1) Electronic devices. We are lucky to have a DVD player in our van and I freely admit to using it. I don’t like the additional screen time but I do believe in safety first so if a movie or even a personal gaming device can keep the kids occupied (read: at a dull roar) I’ve done the best I can as the Family Bus Driver.
2) Cool games! I’ve tried the classic “Who-Can-Be-Quiet-the-Longest?”. But my kids are a suspicious lot and know my ulterior motives. Just like they don’t buy that what appears to be a candy store is actually a candy museum. And, anyway, this game is pretty much useless on an eight-hour car trip.
3) Tunes, baby. Music is awesome but Mommy tends to join in on the sing-along and trying those high notes takes her attention away from the road. Not so good.
4) Literature. When I discovered books on CD, I thought we hit pay dirt. My kids will listen to the same story over and over again. And over again. The caveat with this idea is to first screen the book before popping it in the player. Once we picked up an adventurous sounding book, clearly labelled for my kids’ age group, and two minutes into the first chapter the young female hero of the story was talking about kids who murder other kids. (And this was not Hunger Games.) I doubled back to the library and dumped that one in the return bin! But otherwise the recorded books are great: no screens to zone out (love!) because then the kids can imagine their own visuals to go with the story (yay for internal tv screens!).
5) Logic/psychology. When I forget my kids are not adults-in-miniature (which is often, I admit) I try rationalizing with them about the need to tone it down while I am driving. Wow, is that plan ever not effective and I’ve tried it until I am blue in the face and then so worked up myself I shouldn’t be driving at all. And throwing a few well-placed terms like “big kids” or “mature enough” into my lecture falls on deaf ears.
6) True logic. It’s poetic and beautiful. It’s a toss-the-psych-minor-out-the-window-and-use-common-sense approach: a friend of mine schedules car trips strictly around playtime: eat in the car and save all, and she means all, stops for playground or running-around-the-mall time. Use the drive-thru or pack a picnic, don’t waste time that could be used for pooping the kids out. Genius. And effective.
In short, we parents attempt many strategies to keep our kids settled and traveling safe. Youngsters can’t understand that distractions to us as drivers can put them in danger so we need an armamentariam at our disposal to quell the “ansies.”. And as a last resort that may mean the “tough love” approach of missing a soccer practice or art class if we can’t transport our beloved little ones in a safe manner. Whatever it takes to prevent a tragedy.
