Why I Won’t Homeschool My Kids
A year ago, I wrote about whether or not to homeschool my older son and his brother and sister (How About Homeschooling? Part One and How About Homeschooling? Part Two). In those posts, I described my concerns, thoughts and feelings and was pleased to receive some wonderful feedback from readers. To all of you who shared your perspectives and positive experiences with educating your children at home, I thank you for providing food for thought. But I knew my husband and I were going to need more information before making a decision…and that meant sending our kids back to public school the following year. As school budget cuts would be creating larger fourth grade classes, we needed to find out if being in a 25 percent-larger section would affect our sensitive son’s ability to learn.
Well, that year has nearly passed. Our question has been answered. And much more about our school has been realized. So our decision is this:
We won’t be homeschooling our kids.
It isn’t right for our family. It works wonderfully for others and my hat goes off to them for making such a huge commitment. Those families have their reasons and the wiring to make the home a classroom. But homeschooling is not for us. And here’s why:
1) Class size/Schmash size: Our elementary school didn’t expect the remaining fourth grade teachers “to deal with it.” The school worked the problem of putting 25-plus students in a classroom and the solution was pretty simple: divide and conquer. Each teacher served as a homeroom for a third of the students , then “specialized” in a subject (math, writing or social studies) so no one teacher was spread thin with providing instruction in all topics. The fourth graders rotated classrooms in much the same way as middle schoolers and high schoolers, and overall, the kids loved the regular shifts in scenery…even my son who is rattled by change and lots of activity (his reaction honestly surprised me). Importantly, the teaching was uniform so I knew my son and his twin brother were getting the same info in the same subject from the same teacher.
2) Resources. This past school year one of my children worked with a speech therapist, and another attended a social skills seminar with a social worker. Plus my fourth graders were able to enroll in “enrichments,” special once-weekly classes that include choir, rock climbing, sculpture and year book, to name a few of the possibilities. All this under the roof of the elementary school. Homechooling would have made it much more challenging to find, finance and utilize these supports and opportunities. The school is providing more of a well-rounded education than I as faculty-of-one ever could, or would think to, provide.
3) I am Mom. Period. Perhaps my children are exceptionally concrete or the force of compartmentalization is very strong with them, but in no way do they like my supervising homework. So there’s not a snowball’s chance they will accept me in the role of “Teacher.” As it is, we have had some monumental struggles over homework and even my daughter, a pretty sharp cookie, cannot, will not, ask for help (believe me, we have repeatedly talked about how to handle frustration…she knows what to do), instead choosing to go all velociraptor in pre-tween angst. So we all are much happier if I stay in the role of “Mom” and deliver up tough love: I ask my kids if they have homework, then set and enforce parameters for getting it done. That’s it. The work is their responsibility, as are the rewards for completion and the consequences of delinquency. Believe me, this strategy is not easy for me to stick to because I have strong helicopter-parent urges. But everyone is much happier at homework time if I stay firmly entrenched in the role of “Mom,” someone who allows natural consequences, or who tries her darnedest to do so. Therefore I am Parent, not Math or Science Teacher.
4) Socialization. Public school is a melting pot of kids. And a melting pot of interactions and relationships. An education outside the three R’s is to be had in a setting of several hundred kids. It is not all good. It is not all bad. But it is that mix of ups and downs that reflect life in the real world and kids learn (sometimes the hard way!) about any number of social senarios. My kids have experienced both the good and the ugly. Enough ugly that the urge to homeschool surfaces, so my kids can steer clear of all the crap that interferes with learning. But my husband and I have resisted that temptation in favor of teaching our kids to handle social situations, with hopes they will become well-adjusted adults who can face future face-offs with grace and integrity. It would be hard enough to take our kids away from their friends to homeschool but it would be just as tough on them, for their future’s sake, to remove them from enemy fire.
5) I am kinda selfish. There, I said it. And it’s pretty darn liberating to admit it. I NEED MY KIDS TO GO TO SCHOOL. My sanity relies on my need to work and to work out. I love the flexibility of joining friends for hikes and coffee. But I’m not disconnected from my kids’ education, far from it, as I regularly volunteer at their school. I do get to see my kids in action and get to know their friends, classmates and teachers. And just as selfishly (I’m on a confessional roll, here), I would really miss the community of staff and teachers and other volunteers if I homeschooled…they are not only colleagues but friends as well.
And one last thought. It would be a huge mental shift for kids to associate home with their formal education. Wouldn’t it? I say this because I myself have a hard time doing the opposite: not associating our home with work. Call it a character flaw but I can’t unwind easily with laundry piles or book research looming over my head. And I’m an adult! So I can’t expect my kids to buckle down with schoolwork at home when home is a place so strongly associated with play.
So let them play.
